Laws of Golf

> The ‘Laws’ of Golf

> LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you
> should have Inner peace knowing that a ****tier one is yet
> to come. (This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since
> it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course
> of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a
> lifetime.)
>
> LAW 2: Your best round of golf will
> be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The
> probability of the latter increases with the number of
> people you tell about the
> former.
>
> LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are
> water-magnetic. (Though this cannot be proven in th lab, it
> is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the
> greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been
> known to be partly made with this most unusual natural
> alloy.)
>
> LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of
> trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a
> law of the universe and should be cut
> down.
>
> LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer
> to muff a shot, all His playing partners must solemnly chant
> "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the
> universe.
>
> LAW 6: The higher a golfer's
> handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an
> instructor.
>
> LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the
> world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter
> the hole, the greater its
> desire.
>
> LAW 8: Pine trees eat golf
> balls.
>
> LAW 9: Sand is alive. It wil swallow
> your balls.
>
> LAW 10: A golfer hitting into your
> group will always be bigger than anyone in your group.
> Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of
> a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted
> murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
>
> LAW 11: All 3-woods are
> demon-possessed.
>
> LAW 12: Golf balls from the same
> "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly
> out of bounds or into the water (See LAW 3).
>
> LAW 13: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and
> beauty.
>
> LAW 14: The person you would most
> hate to lose to will always be the one who beats
> you.
>
> LAW 15 : The last three holes of a
> round will automatically adjust your score to what it really
> should be.
>
> LAW 16: Golf should be given up at
> least twice pe month.
>
> LAW 17: All vows taken on a golf
> course shall be valid only until the
> sunset.
>
> LAW 18: Since bad shots come in
> groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really
> the beginning of the next group of
> three.
>
> LAW 19: When you look up and cause an
> awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the
> moment when you should have continued watching the ball if
> you ever want to see it
> again.
>
> LAW 20: The less skilled the player,
> the more likely he is to share his ideas about your swing.
>
> LAW 21: If it isn't broke, try changing your
> grip.
>
> LAW 22: Golfers who claim they
> don't cheat, also lie.
>
> LAW 23: A golf match is a test of
> your skill against your opponent's
> luck.
>
> LAW 24: It's surprisingly easy to
> hole a 50-foot putt when yo lie
> 8.
>
> LAW 25: Counting on your opponent to
> inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to
> make fun of his own
> haircut.
>
> LAW 26: Nonchalant putts count the
> same as chalant putts.
>
> LAW 27: It's not a gimme if
> you're still away.
>
> LAW 28: The shortest distance between any two points on a
> golf course is a straight line that passes directly through
> the center of a very large
> tree.
>
> LAW 29: You can hit a 2-acre fairway
> 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the
> time.
>
> LAW 30: Every Time a golfer makes a
> birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to
> restore the fundamental equilibrium of the
> Universe.
>
> LAW 31: If you want to hit a 7-iron
> as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short
> of a water hazard.
>
> LA 32: There are two things you can
> learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the
> position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which
> one is wearing the glove.
>
> LAW 33: Hazards attract; fairways
> repel.
>
> LAW 34: You can put "draw" on the ball, you can
> put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put
> "straight" on the
> ball.
>
> LAW 35: A ball you can see in the rough from
> 50 yards away is not yours.
>
> LAW 36: Don't buy a putter until
> you've had a chance to throw
> it.

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